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♥ Sunday, December 30, 2007♥

I can't bear it anymore...I don't feel happy living here, because I feel that I don't belong here. My sis don't talk to me bcoz of my bad english (her reason). I am more happy spending time with my friends, eventhough I have only a few friends.

Yesterday morning, my sis locked her bedroom door and refused to let me in to get clothings. I then asked my dad to help me, he didn't, and he complained to me that I made too much noise (knocking the door). He help others but not me.

I like two or three of my relatives, bcoz they have positive parenting and makes me feel good.

Lets say, I said I have no friends. Both of them will made me feel better by using positive words, while others will tell me that because I am rude, sensitive and always sulky face so I don't have friends.

My sis is very rude and a dirty person, how come she have friends huh??? It didn't make any sense at all. Well, I have friends, but only a few, but I am now struggling to learn how to socialize as it is so important to me when I go overseas to study and work.

It is not very fair. Ok, I am not going to compare, because the more I compare, the more stress I am...so I am going to take it and leave it.

Crazy ah! I had tried to talk and talk more with my family, well, I usually talk about school stuffs and friends, but still, it didn't work! And when my friend call me, it is always the same friend, then my fucking auntie and my cousin Nancy would say to me I am always with friends. Got meh?

(To esp my auntie and Nancy: Excuse me! When I talk, did u guys listen to me? No, all u do is juz nagging and blaming me, u think I still have mood to talk to u guys? You guys juz fucking wanna hurt my feelings purposely! GTH lah! You are juz jealous bcoz I have everything; good education+working experience, maid, friends etc. And when I wanna do something independently, did u guys let me do it? No, you guys are the ones who refused to let me do it and yet blamed me for always depend on others! And keep on comparing me to others who u think are more mature and independant than me!)

I am thinking of wanna be on my own. I am going to apply for voluntary work and will work hard on it, maybe I will have chance to work there if the school would employ me. Then I can earn my own money, study in Australia/New Zealand to get my degree and teaching qualifications. And can live and work in the country. No need to stay in Brunei! What for? Nothing to do bah! Juz sleeping the whole day~ boring eh! I want to live elsewhere. I have a cousin, she live in Shanghai for almost 7 yrs! I want to be like her...


my donut-addict never STOPS!